how do I feel?
first of all I feel pretty distracted. I just caught myself before pouring tea on my coaster instead of in my cup :)
first this morning, visit to the eye surgeon, another checkup. My eye has not gotten any better. Again and assurance its normal. Because it was the second laser surgery on that eye, it will take much longer to heal. There is still scar tissue on the eye.
secondly the letter from UVW came today, after four weeks! Next Tuesday I have to visit the job specialist. And that person is ultimately going to decide if I keep any disability money or none. The fact that I have to go means I will not keep my complete money. And I would not surprised if I lost all.
because it took them four weeks I think they checked with my therapists. Not seeing any at the moment, but when I finished in Rotterdam I was pretty optimistic about being able to work. That was before the whole trouble with my feet, knee and eye. that has cost me so much stress and energy that my arms are worse off and my energy level is pretty low. I honestly don't see myself being able to work right now.
If I lose my disability money I will probably get unemployment money for about a year. But I will have to do actively try to find a job, and I cannot tell them I am disabled, or they will not pay me. When that is over, I will get no money at all. Because I live above my parents but don't have my own front door, they will not pay me anymore then. And it scares me. If I won't be able to find a job in a years time, it means I am still not able to work. So what do I do then?
Right now I try not to think about it. Not just before Christmas. Is going to be great fun them telling me four days before Christmas :(
first this morning, visit to the eye surgeon, another checkup. My eye has not gotten any better. Again and assurance its normal. Because it was the second laser surgery on that eye, it will take much longer to heal. There is still scar tissue on the eye.
secondly the letter from UVW came today, after four weeks! Next Tuesday I have to visit the job specialist. And that person is ultimately going to decide if I keep any disability money or none. The fact that I have to go means I will not keep my complete money. And I would not surprised if I lost all.
because it took them four weeks I think they checked with my therapists. Not seeing any at the moment, but when I finished in Rotterdam I was pretty optimistic about being able to work. That was before the whole trouble with my feet, knee and eye. that has cost me so much stress and energy that my arms are worse off and my energy level is pretty low. I honestly don't see myself being able to work right now.
If I lose my disability money I will probably get unemployment money for about a year. But I will have to do actively try to find a job, and I cannot tell them I am disabled, or they will not pay me. When that is over, I will get no money at all. Because I live above my parents but don't have my own front door, they will not pay me anymore then. And it scares me. If I won't be able to find a job in a years time, it means I am still not able to work. So what do I do then?
Right now I try not to think about it. Not just before Christmas. Is going to be great fun them telling me four days before Christmas :(
posted by gawain at 1:36 PM
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